Yesterday was cool (100th POST! AWESOME!).

I met up with Mary...then Danny...then we went to Geanine's and hung out there for a bit. Mary had to leave after a while; then Danny and Geanine and I met a friend of Geanine's on the bus to College Point.
[Side note: I don't get the whole deal about "two's company, three's a crowd"; as long as they're all cool people(not the popular modern definition of "cool") , I've been fine with anything up to seven or eight.]
Once in College Point, our party's new addition had us all in stitches -- I won't go into explanation, suffice it to say that it was pretty funny. We spent way too much time sitting outside doing nothing in particular; then we all went back to Danny's.
We played WiiFit and WiiSports. We ate sour-cream-and-onion chips and marshmallows and chicken soup. We laughed; we talked some talk; I learned to put certain feelings on the back burner for the sake of comfortable chillage. It went pretty well. Then at 11, mi madre came and picked up everyone but Danny for the drive home(Geanine's mother gets this job way too often; I decided to give her a break). Now I'm looking forward to the possibility of a party next weekend.
Excuse my choppy sentences and other quirks of style today. I'm kind of tired. I stayed up way too late getting more work done on my manuscript. That aside, have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I should go now; I have to prepare for tonight's contest(who can get more stuffed: me or the turkey?).

So II0II it's not even funny.

Geanine is amazing. I will say this straight out. Now, let me explain...
I don't think I've mentioned it here yet -- maybe in passing -- but I was going out with her for a while at the beginning of this month. We put it on hold, due to some emotional and environmental stress on her end that she has to address before our relationship as anything more than friends can pick up again (thankfully, this all transpired on good terms).
Anyway, Geanine was having a rough time last Friday, and this didn't have her in the most upbeat of moods. Nobody, it seemed, had been sparing her many kind words, and she was buying into all those negative views of herself that were being suggested; to be quite honest, it pissed me off to know that people could tell her she wasn't "good enough," and that she would believe it. So I grabbed the copy of Something Corporate's CD Leaving Through the Window I had been meaning to give her for about a week, grabbed my bike, and hauled ass to her house.
It was almost funny when I pulled up out front and felt my phone buzzing in my pocket: she had sent me a text while I had been on my way, telling me that her mom was feeling under the weather and that she would probably vent this unpleasantness by not letting Geanine see me for a few minutes.
So I called Geanine, hoping that she was wrong.
She was right.
So I did the only thing I really could do: I left the CD in a relatively concealed spot on her front steps, sent her a text to let her know, and rode my bike back home.

Leaving Through the Window has always held something for me. It's some of the first music I ever owned; my brother gave it to me. I can listen to those songs no matter what mood I'm in, and whenever I'm in a tight spot, they've always helped me out. Any partiality in genre or artist for me is fleeting, but SoCo has always been there, always been the fallback. I figured, what with Geanine not being in the best of places, Leaving Through the Window would help...and I guess I figured right. By the end of that night, even if I didn't have her in a completely different mood, I had at least put a smile on her face, and that was good enough for me.
But the real moment came last night.
Danny's Boy Scouts troop had just had a Bingo Night fundraiser; I had gone, and Geanine and her mom and her dad and her brother had, too; Danny and Peter and Tamis and Chris had been there on duty (yes, I hang out with a bunch of Boy Scouts). About halfway through the event, Danny came by with one of those styrofoam cups of coffee; he let me finish it. This whole time I was listening to Something Corporate on my iPod and sitting next to Geanine and kind of regretting not being as close as we have been. I guess the music eventually got to me; between two particular rounds of Bingo, I used the pencil I had been given (to fill out my sheets) to etch into the styrofoam cup: "Some things never do change/Never do change...", a lyric from "Cavanaugh Park". I sat back and skipped out on the next round of games (and the next), etching more and more Something Corporate lyrics as my iPod provided the songs on shuffle. By the end of the night, I had covered that styrofoam in music. The one part that I think really stood out was in the middle of the cup: "I want to save you/ I want to save you/ But I need you/ To save me too..." (Writing this elicited a little bit of a good feeling, and a little bit of longing for more good feeling: upon first hearing the song, Geanine had declared that she was officially stealing it -- I pleaded, "Can we at least split it?" She agreed, and what do you know, in the settling dust of our flash-fire stint as a couple, we had just discovered our song.) At eleven p.m., Danny's troop called closing time. I hurriedly grabbed my latest Bingo ticket as a souvenir, stuffed it into the styrofoam cup, and everyone headed home. Me, Danny, Geanine and Geanine's mom and dad and brother were all packed into this little car, and for the sake of comfort I had my arm around Geanine, and she had her head on my shoulder. During the somewhat-claustrophobic drive, she asked her mom to turn on the car's CD player and hit track 1.
Next thing I knew, we were singing "I Want to Save You" in slightly off-beat harmony, because the volume was pretty low and we couldn't hear it all that well, but that didn't matter to us right then. We were just in the moment. Just singing. Just enjoying the comfort of each other's warmth on such a goddamn freezing night. Once the song was finished, I laughed, because I knew that if my brother could have seen me right then, he would have known what it meant to me, and he would have known how much I would have thanked him.
And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

Dim

He's shaking a shiver
Out of his limbs.
He wants to save her;
She wants to save him --
But that dream's seeming dim,
'Cause she won't dare to let him in...

He hardly knows her,
But she knows him well.
He wants to feel closer;
He just wants to tell her
"I've been through this hell --
It'll sink you until you sell out..."

And he just wants to see her smile;
He just wants her to see for a while
She shouldn't give in to fears
And buy all that she hears,
'Cause she's better than she'll ever know
Than she'll ever know...

Cool Photography Project

Coming up. Let's just say I gotta wait for my suit jacket to arrive from Chicago before I can get started. Good stuff.

In Your Atmosphere (John Mayer, from "Where the Light Is")

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I don't know what it's like to land, and
Not race to your door
I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I'm not sure that I really ever could
Hold on to your hotel key in your
Bedroom neighborhood
We sleep walk in Hollywood

I'm gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
'Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if I didn't see you there
So I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I get lost on the boulevard at night
Without your voice to tell me I love you, take a right
Dinner for two is a lonely sight

I'm gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
'Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if I didn't see you

I'm gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
'Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if I didn't see you there
See you there

I think I'm gonna stay, gonna stay in the gray
I think I'm gonna stay, gonna stay, gonna stay
And all the streetlights say never mind, never mind
And the canyon lines say never mind, never mind
And sunset says, we see this all the time
Never mind, never you mind

Wherever I go
Whatever I do
I wonder where I am
In my relationship to you

Wherever you go
Wherever you are
I watch your life play out
In pictures from afar

Wherever I go
Whatever I do
I wonder where I am
In my relationship to you

Wherever you go
Wherever you are
I watch that pretty life play out
In pictures from afar

Withdrawal

Hey there. I've been told never to start anything off with an apology, but really, I think this instance calls for it. I was having a funk of a day(not the good kind of funk) the other day, when Danny told me that I had to eventually recognize when people needed breathing space, and that it would be a good idea to give them some now. So when I heard this, after a troubling day, I overreacted, as I am known to do. I lashed out, pretty much at everyone around me, and swore to withdraw from social activities until "Monday-ish" (as I called it when talking to Geanine). For this, I want to apologize. I'm extremely sorry for not handling things with the care and sensitivity that they called for.
But I've spent the past few days in a sort of cocoon, and undergone a slight metamorphosis. I read "The Little Prince"(yes, the children's book; but it is conceptually genius, and I recommend it to anyone who can find an hour of freedom to read it). I listened to old Something Corporate songs(this has always helped me in tough spots). I bought a copy of "Chinese Takeout" by Arthur Nersesian, since I lost my old one, and highlighted all my favorite lines, and listened to the soundtrack I assembled for it last year. I played guitar. I slept and ate and drank coffee.
More importantly: I thought. Hard. And I realized a few things, and I'm feeling more comfortable with my situation now. So again, I wanted to apologize to you folks for how much of a jerk or a pain in the ass I may have seemed this past week. I'm not quite together, but I'm getting there. I just hope that you'll bear with me.

A Hat Called Infinity

My brother gave it to me for a reason.

To the Classics

Facebook Status-Emilio Vélez says: "It's still rock and roll to me."

Geni Leone at 9:37am November 9 via Facebook Mobile

Word. But I wonder what these young snipper wappers are callin it? Lolz

Emilio Vélez at 9:38am November 9

hot funk, cool punk, maybe even old junk -- still rock and roll to me. :D

Geni Leone at 9:39am November 9 via Facebook Mobile

Lmfao =P

I Didn't Understand

I didn't really know her. I guess that's what did this. I didn't understand.
My brother always tells me the truth at times like this, when everyone else would just tell me what I want to hear. It's good to know. Kind of hard to take, but necessary.
The thing is, I do what I do to fill the void left by my parents. I mean, your parents' marriage is your first impression of what a relationship should be, and since I grew up around a lot of conflict and distance, I try desperately to prove to myself that it isn't always like that. Every new girl I get involved with seems to have had trouble with guys who were nothing but assholes; like my brother, I have a bit of a "superhero complex"(as he put it), and so I feel the need to help her and prove to her, as well as to myself, that love can work and last.
And I keep getting proven wrong. I really don't want to be doomed to follow in my parents' footsteps and live dogged by failed and broken relationships, but at a more and more rapid clip lately it's been hitting me that maybe it's unavoidable. Maybe I'm meant to be alone. I've said it before, but never has it seemed truer.
I would give everything to not have to continue this way; to find something and be able to hold onto it.
Save me from this. Somebody.

Awesome Sauce:

n. A delicious edible made of pure awesomeness which immediately provokes euphoria; anything which is compared to this. i.e., That song is awesome sauce.

Good times, good times.

Double Up

Went to Outback with Geanine and Danny and Mary tonight.
First of all, we had the coolest waiter ever. He had "Veritas" on his hand (a Boondock Saints reference for those of you who didn't know -- amazing movie). We all wrote him a note on a $10 bill and signed it.
Second of all, paper mache just became exciting.
Third of all, I AM FREE.
Life is good.

They say a tingle running down your spine is indicative of fear. What then, is suggested by the type that runs up your spine? You know: It comes up, hits the back of your neck, and then just shoots out in all directions until your whole body is pins and needles for a second, and then the cycle starts all over again.
I don't know what it is. But I kind of liked it. And now I'm kind of addicted to cinnamon gum.
Thanks, Geni.