Dear Whoever,
I know you're out there. You might have been made for me; I might have been made for you -- I really don't know anymore. I think I stopped believing somewhere down the line.
I'm a romantic in an age where romance is dead. In places where I should really shine, with people who I should be happy with, I'm only turned down. I'm passed by simply because no one knows what they want these days.
My point is the way I am. I need to be able to share an experience, to share life, to share love. I need a girl who gets me enough to share in my experiences and my life and my love and understand what it all means.
I've begun to think that I'm asking for too much. I've begun to think that I'll never find anyone; that there isn't anyone out there who's made for me or who I was made for. Maybe the things everyone is telling me are lies. I'm just really uncertain at this point. What I've seen has made me doubt almost everything that I've ever believed.
And with me being the way I am, it's hard to take. So if you're out there, and if what I once believed in was true, show me. Make yourself known.
---my message in a bottle
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Don't know what to say, really.
I'm tremendously disappointed right now. For a lot of reasons. Well, no, not really. I can't quite pin it down just yet, but I think it might just be a couple of reasons. How many? Well, let's see what I can list.
1. I may have said that I was over certain things, when in fact, I might never be over them. As an example, I'm realizing that I'll probably finish this entry at 1:29 a.m. on the dot, and that saddens me. You either know the significance of that number or you don't.
2. I used to believe in things working out. Honestly, I did. I believed it so much that, at the age of sixteen, I was saving my nickels and dimes with the hope of kicking off a life together with a girl. Take a wild guess who. And take a wild guess why this disappoints me.
3. I had my chance. I had it good. The operative word being had. If I still had that chance, you can bet whatever you want that I would have nailed it and walked away a winner.
That's pretty much it. That's all I can nail down, at least. And there you go. 1:29 a.m. on the dot.
I'm tremendously disappointed right now. For a lot of reasons. Well, no, not really. I can't quite pin it down just yet, but I think it might just be a couple of reasons. How many? Well, let's see what I can list.
1. I may have said that I was over certain things, when in fact, I might never be over them. As an example, I'm realizing that I'll probably finish this entry at 1:29 a.m. on the dot, and that saddens me. You either know the significance of that number or you don't.
2. I used to believe in things working out. Honestly, I did. I believed it so much that, at the age of sixteen, I was saving my nickels and dimes with the hope of kicking off a life together with a girl. Take a wild guess who. And take a wild guess why this disappoints me.
3. I had my chance. I had it good. The operative word being had. If I still had that chance, you can bet whatever you want that I would have nailed it and walked away a winner.
That's pretty much it. That's all I can nail down, at least. And there you go. 1:29 a.m. on the dot.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Circle of Solace
I've finally found it. I've found my niche.
I belong among my brothers: Jonathan, Johnny, Matthew and Matt Weiss. Turning to Liz for happiness was stupid of me. Women come and go; they're known for spitting in your face and walking away. But my brothers? I know they'll never turn on me.
They'll always be game for traipsing around through the night and the early morning; they'll always have something to say that'll cheer me up when I'm down. They'll always be the ones who hear what I'm saying and relate to it when no one else can. They understand the feeling called infinity, and like me, they live for it.
So that's it. I'm swearing this girl off.
My brothers are the only company I need.
I belong among my brothers: Jonathan, Johnny, Matthew and Matt Weiss. Turning to Liz for happiness was stupid of me. Women come and go; they're known for spitting in your face and walking away. But my brothers? I know they'll never turn on me.
They'll always be game for traipsing around through the night and the early morning; they'll always have something to say that'll cheer me up when I'm down. They'll always be the ones who hear what I'm saying and relate to it when no one else can. They understand the feeling called infinity, and like me, they live for it.
So that's it. I'm swearing this girl off.
My brothers are the only company I need.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Project Chess City Council Cup Champions!
In the four-round Project Chess City Council Cup tournament in Brooklyn today, my school's team brought home the gold! We're putting the cup in the trophy case this coming Monday.
My personal record was 3-1, losing only in the final round, and tying for second place with a few other students (Adrian among them). I lost to the same dude who brought down Adrian in the second round -- who was also the only competitor in the High School section of the tournament to reach a record of 4-0. I guess if you're gonna lose to anybody, you should lose to the best guy in the room, right? Right.
If interested, you can check out the games here!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Active Weekend
Well, this has been interesting.
Yesterday:
2:00 p.m.:Arrive at park in Forest Hills with my cousin Matthew to play chess with Adrian.
6:30 p.m.: Finish playing chess, get picked up by mom. Drive to Carom billiards cafe in Flushing to meet Johnny and Matt Weiss.
7:30 p.m.: Johnny and Matt arrive. Play ping pong until roughly 10:00 p.m.
10:30 p.m.: Finally decide on what to do next. Begin driving to Johnny's apartment in the city. Stay there and hang out.
2:30 a.m.: Arrive home. Remember the ping pong paddles are still in Matt Weiss's trunk and get his number from Johnny.
2:45 a.m.: Matt Weiss returns with paddles.
3:00 a.m.: Go to sleep.
Today:
1:37 p.m.: Wake up. Go through the usual morning stuff. (Fine, so it was the afternoon, but you get the point.)
4:08 p.m.: Arrive with Matthew at Carom billiards cafe to meet Adrian. Play ping pong until 7:00 p.m.
7:15 p.m.: Arrive at park near Carom and set up the chess set on a field.
7:30 p.m.: Finish playing chess because Adrian insists on playing soccer with some Mexicans across the field.
8:30 p.m.: Finish playing soccer with my lungs heaving and my manhood aching from a powerful soccer ball to the groin.
Roughly 8:40 p.m.: Arrive home again. Load up on food and water, get on computer.
And now I'm off to play some more chess with Matthew.
'Til next time, folks.
Yesterday:
2:00 p.m.:Arrive at park in Forest Hills with my cousin Matthew to play chess with Adrian.
6:30 p.m.: Finish playing chess, get picked up by mom. Drive to Carom billiards cafe in Flushing to meet Johnny and Matt Weiss.
7:30 p.m.: Johnny and Matt arrive. Play ping pong until roughly 10:00 p.m.
10:30 p.m.: Finally decide on what to do next. Begin driving to Johnny's apartment in the city. Stay there and hang out.
2:30 a.m.: Arrive home. Remember the ping pong paddles are still in Matt Weiss's trunk and get his number from Johnny.
2:45 a.m.: Matt Weiss returns with paddles.
3:00 a.m.: Go to sleep.
Today:
1:37 p.m.: Wake up. Go through the usual morning stuff. (Fine, so it was the afternoon, but you get the point.)
4:08 p.m.: Arrive with Matthew at Carom billiards cafe to meet Adrian. Play ping pong until 7:00 p.m.
7:15 p.m.: Arrive at park near Carom and set up the chess set on a field.
7:30 p.m.: Finish playing chess because Adrian insists on playing soccer with some Mexicans across the field.
8:30 p.m.: Finish playing soccer with my lungs heaving and my manhood aching from a powerful soccer ball to the groin.
Roughly 8:40 p.m.: Arrive home again. Load up on food and water, get on computer.
And now I'm off to play some more chess with Matthew.
'Til next time, folks.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Today's the Day...
Where nothing happened.
The simul didn't take place. My newfound determination to win since the losses last night has apparently developed into a near-bloodlust on the chessboard -- everybody must have sensed it; they simply...chickened out.
But! But!
I played Mr. Barnett instead, and massacred him. It was a lovely feeling. :)
Watch out, City Council Cup! I'm coming!
The simul didn't take place. My newfound determination to win since the losses last night has apparently developed into a near-bloodlust on the chessboard -- everybody must have sensed it; they simply...chickened out.
But! But!
I played Mr. Barnett instead, and massacred him. It was a lovely feeling. :)
Watch out, City Council Cup! I'm coming!
Today's the Day
I'm kind of irritated. Last night, I must have played my cousin Matthew in five games of chess, and I only won one of them. And after all of my reading, it came down to the simple fact that my efforts did me no good. I can't improve in a matter of days by loading my head with principles. Practice is the only way, and I just didn't get enough practice.
I'm in this for the win, not the fun. I'm in this to create works of art in my games, and it just isn't happening. It's very irritating.
And today I'll be holding a simul. I have to find something before then to clear my head, so that I can focus on the games and the games alone.
All I know is, in this coming week before the tournament, I have to practice like crazy against my computer and against Matthew. Practice makes perfect, right? Right.
Everyone loves an underdog.
More news after the simul!
I'm in this for the win, not the fun. I'm in this to create works of art in my games, and it just isn't happening. It's very irritating.
And today I'll be holding a simul. I have to find something before then to clear my head, so that I can focus on the games and the games alone.
All I know is, in this coming week before the tournament, I have to practice like crazy against my computer and against Matthew. Practice makes perfect, right? Right.
Everyone loves an underdog.
More news after the simul!
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