It's for the best.

I'm feeling strange right now.
I don't know what to call this state of mind, or this outlook, or whatever you want to call it; I don't know whether to consider it good or bad, or whether it should even be considered at all.
One second I'm looking forward and feeling optimistic; the next I'm looking back and feeling hopeless; the second after that, I'm looking at the here and now and honestly, it leaves me not feeling at all.
Is apathy better than pain?
But then again, I wouldn't call this apathy, because there's the optimism, and because I'm feeling pretty good when I think about my fresh start with Geanine (which is so fresh that we're cracking first-meeting jokes and saying "good night, stranger.", and it's all laughs and smiles again). I only hope that this time, I can hold on to the positive for a change.
God damn, I know it's only 5 a.m. here in Chicago, but I'm already thinking about how I return to New York tomorrow, and I really don't want to leave my bro's place. I really don't want to leave this place that feels so much more like home to me.

"It's For The Best" by Straylight Run:
It takes more time than I've ever had;
Drains the life from me,
Makes me want to forget.
As young as I was
I felt older back then:
More disciplined,
Stronger and certain.
But I was scared to death of eternity --
I was saved by grace,
But destroyed by naivety...
And I lied to myself
And said it was for the best.

And now faith is replaced with a logic so cold --
I've disregarded what I was
Now that I'm older.
And I know much more than I did back then,
But the more I learn
The more I can't understand.
And I've become content with this life that I lead,
Where I drink too much and don't believe in much of anything
And I lie to myself
And say it's for the best.

We're moving forward
But holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come...

We're moving forward
But holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come...

We're moving forward
But holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come...

We're moving forward
But holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come...

We're moving forward
But holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come...

We're moving forward
But holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come...

And we're waiting on something that will never come.