BORED OUT OF MY MIND

i wanna play ping pong this weekend, but nobody'll come.

geez.
(short entry, i know.)

Mmmm...Caffeine and Motrin.

i'm loaded up on caffeine, and i've been having headaches lately, so i'm carrying a motrin on me.
this is great. the coffee's just making me more tired. *exasperated sigh*
on the other hand, the music is good. *slight smile*

i spend a lot of my time in my head, i'm coming to realize. not much of it is spent having fun and partying.
i'm gonna throw a party when i publish my book. i'll need champage, chips, french onion dip, about a dozen or so copies of the book (hope the cover turns out cool), and a clean room. those last two could take a while. maybe in april i'll be close.

again, wish me luck.

"Knights of the Island Counter" by Dave Melillo

So we sit at this table
With our hands in our laps
And we have a few drinks
And we share a few laughs

But now those days have passed
And they're not coming back
It's a shame
'Cause that's all
That I had

CHORUS
And we'll sing out loud for hours
'Till the morning that we know we can't avoid
These nights are notable and priceless
I swear that every word I say
I mean until my dying day
It's a shame
When I wake I can't recall a thing
It's a shame
When I wake I can't recall a thing

So keep things quiet
'Till the rest of the street falls asleep
Then we'll break out
And show everyone just what we're made of

We're still young
Let's abuse our health
And have a little fun
I'll drink to that
Let's drink to that

CHORUS

I've got some problems
But we've got ten dollars
That's enough to get us wasted before
The night is over
These past five days
I've been completely sober
But tonight I'm getting ripped wide open
[x2]

"A Feeling Like Home" Update

the "low-standard' rough draft is coming along pretty well, though laura -- my main character's first girlfriend, of a sort -- needs some serious character development. so does sam. and so does jon. and so does everybody else.
"welcome to being a writer. here's a blank page. give me a masterpiece." this is basically what every prefectionist writer encounters when he first sets out: his high self-expectations conflicting with the utter hopelessness of his situation and the limitless potential of the blank page. i mean, look at what tolstoy and dumas and poe and doyle did with it; why can't i do that?

my friend, it's because you're just setting out.

Nowadays...

"look at us now" is going pretty well. i've got the guitar laid out, and i'm happy with it; it fits just about right.
i've also starting to think about resuming my latest book, "a feeling like home". it's funny how the idea came to me for it: i was listening to "rainy monday" by shiny toy guns and an image just popped into my head of what i instantly knew would be my ending. i filled in character names, asked "how did they get there?" and next thing you know, i had myself a story.
speak of the devil, the song is on right now. it's an amazing feel-good kind of thing. right now i am infinite.
don't know what that means? ask charlie. he should be able to tell you ("perks of being a wallflower" reference).

and melissa, my sister of non-relation, is amazing. don't ask me how i didn't realize until today. she speaks in a way you only know from the movies; writers have to squeeze this stuff out of their heads, while she manages it coloquially, with no effort at all. i swear, i'm putting her words in my book. i've got consent, and i'm not afraid to use it!
my quote of the day (via melissa): "I think that's all people really are. Just a bunch of things collected from different places and turned into themselves."

we're the intellectuals. nobody gets us, but we're here. other people can only hope to have conversations like ours.
and to think: it all started last year when, from across the room of our english class, she offered to get me out of my house and feed me cookies.

amazing.

Life After Liz

God, at times, is cold (i guess the job demands it), but He is just and fair in His incomprehensible ways.
I met Liz, tried my hand, did my best, and managed a friendly aftermath. now, it seems, God is taking her away from me on a more solid level for the time being, because i made a mistake.
people make mistakes, and they are punished by Him in one way or another for doing so.
through liz, God gave me maturity that i would never have found otherwise, and i'm thankful to no end for this. i owe everything i am to the experiences of this past year, and to the girl that made them happen.
my belief is that a Christian's duty is to make the best of the settling dust -- so here i am, discovering how i should go about life after liz. sure, it'll be tough, but that's how life works. i'm going to try and make some new friends, and put the old memories behind me. i've got to have some new laughs, some good times, and make a new man out of myself.

wish me luck.

Not Much to Do

for the first time in a long time, i'm bored.
i've played my guitar, but my left hand got lazy on the neck. so i crossed guitar and bass off for the night.
i tried playing chess, but my fingers got lazy moving the pieces. i just didn't want to have to plan and strategize anymore.
i tried drawing, but my pencil just wanders across the page meaninglessly, with no pattern or recognizable picture, and i've never been into modern art, so i canned it.
i tried playing video games, but they moved too fast for me.
i tried taking pictures, but my artistic eye is bailing out on me.
i tried listening to music, but i had no energy to sing along or jump around my room.

and i'm not thinking about liz. i am NOT thinking about liz. i refuse to let myself do that.
but it's so damned hard.
still, i can't let myself go there.

i guess i'll just lay down and hope something (or someone) happens to wake me up.

Chessing

went to flushing meadows today and played chess in the park with adrian, my biggest rival across the chessboard. he won all of the games.
afterwards, we swung by starbucks and stepped into barnes & noble's chess section. i bought a few books, and we discussed theory and authors' reliability and reputations.
then we went back to the park and played a quick timed game while waiting for my mom's arrival to pick me up; it was particularly suspenseful and dynamic, and in my opinion the best of the five or six we played. we each had a checkmate in one -- if only i had seen his, i might have been able to avoid it! -- and he reached his first; vigorous handshakes and shouted compliments followed ("you're pissing me off, but that was goddamned genius! it's killing me!"), as well as goodbyes and arrangement of prospective follow-ups.
chess with adrian is no walk in the park, but it sure is fun.

Look At Us Now

You're gone
Now my walls are empty
Of your poetry

I'm done
With writing these happy songs
Of you and me

I'll remember how I just broke down
When you said "I'm leaving you."

I'll remember that final "I love you"
That last clasp of hands
I'll hold on forever
Because

I know we both knew it was coming
While hoping the day
Would never show up
But it did
Oh, it did
Just look at us now

I cried when I boxed our mementos
I cried when I realized you'd never come back
I died several hundred times over
When I woke up alone

I miss you

I know we both knew it was coming
While hoping the day
Would never show up
But it did
Oh, it did
Just look at us now

Night on the Town

this should paint enough of a picture on its own: i got home about an hour ago.
but i know you're curious, so i won't leave you hanging.

my brother flew in from chicago for a surprise weekend visit. he grabbed me and we were off to the inner city, to catch johnny as he got out of work. it was a good surprise for him, but he told us he had reservations at this cuban restaurant with a couple of his friends.
alright. no problem.
we joined in.
we headed to johnny's apartment, where he outfitted us with some dressy duds, and we played guitar hero 3 for a while before leaving.
the dinner was amazing, and we had an awesome time. after the girls left, it was me, my bro, johnny, and potato (why we call him that, i will never know; but his real name is matt). potato drove me and jonathan back to bayside after 1 a.m., because johnny has work in a few hours, so he needed to catch some z's. we blasted good music, laughed over running gags, and relayed relationship stories.
it was an amazing night on the town, and my first of this caliber.
what an experience.